At least in the midst of all this turmoil, something had cropped up to take my mind off the life crisis parade my heart seems to have whipped into existence. While I am grateful beyond measure to have these feelings returned to me, I admit that I have been having trouble reconciling them with the life I once knew. As it is the only life I remember enough to call my own, this has not been an easy task. My nature, the one so carefully cultivated out of need and necessity three years prior, calls for everything my heart knows will only drag it back into darkness. With each slip of my control, I feel myself inching closer back towards that threshold that I want nothing more to do with. I am actually afraid of it now. I'm loath to give in to what has made me strong before, yet find myself in positions where I have no other choice. No, there is a choice, but once made, it has landed me in an unfavorable position. Quite simply, I believe that I can no longer try to cling to what I once had. All that is familiar is steeped in darkness... and that is too fine of a line for me to walk right now.

Unfortunately, I wonder if I might have to tread it just a while longer.

Somehow, whether it's the Gate's doing or not, Xemnas has said that he's felt his heartless on the worlds somewhere. When I am able, I fully intend on mounting my own search, regardless of whether or not Xemnas feels the need to do so himself. I would easily give myself to the darkness if there was a chance to end such a hopelessly empty existence; after all, for all that his been sacrificed already, it's the least I feel I can do. This is what my heart compels me to do.

For now, however, I'm still stuck here. Wishing desperately that I wasn't. Luxord, are you busy?